i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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