I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
