The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
