I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
