Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
