yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
