shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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