Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
