You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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