I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
