I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
