I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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