You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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