She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
