Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
