friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
