he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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