I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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