dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
