somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
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Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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