I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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