It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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