I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize