So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
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It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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