She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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