tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
