Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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