she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
