How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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