I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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