She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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