Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
