Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
