cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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