you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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