Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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