on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
