We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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