the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize