Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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