The best revenge is premature balding
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
