I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
