I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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