When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize