I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Terrible idea I love it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize