Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
