the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
