I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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