I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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