make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
