Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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