why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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