rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
