Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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