he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
