i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
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Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
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Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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