The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
