Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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