after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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