OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
