dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
