My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
