sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.