He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..