I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.