He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it