I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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