So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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