Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
