I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
