I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
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You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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