Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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