She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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