i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
